Relationships

5 Reasons Why a Toxic Marriage is More Harmful to Your Children Than Divorce

toxic marriageIs it better for your children for you to stay in a toxic marriage instead of getting a divorce? Research suggests that it nearly always is the most sensible for unhappy parents to go their separate ways.

Let's take a closer look at why staying in a toxic marriage usually is more harmful to your children than getting a divorce.

1. It can damage self-esteem

Most children are highly intuitive, and they pick up on negative emotions. Low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness are common characteristics of children who grow up in high-conflict environments.

Divorce can give kids a happier home life, which helps them build healthy self-esteem.

2. They believe that all relationships are dysfunctional

Children model the behavior that they see in their parents. When they observe their parents constantly being unhappy, they grow up believing that this is what relationships are like. It's not unusual for these children to become depressed and pessimistic about the chances that they will find happiness with a romantic partner.

3. You're not as available for your child

Dealing with an unhappy relationship takes time and energy. You're fighting with your partner or spending time stewing or being distracted. When you're mired in a cycle of fights and depression, then you're not as present and available for your children as you would be if you were happier.

Living in a one-parent home will make you a better parent.

4. Kids may look for unhealthy ways to numb their emotions

Children and teens are developing the coping skills that will help them to deal with adverse circumstances as adults. With your help, they can develop coping strategies that are healthful, productive and effective.

However, children whose parents are trapped in an unhealthy marriage are more likely to develop habits to help them numb their emotions. These habits could be things like overeating, getting in fights, spending too much screen-time online and losing interest in school.

5. Kids may be uncomfortable in their own homes

Children thrive on structure and predictability. How can they cope when their parents are frequently at odds? When they don't know what to expect, they are incapable of relaxing in their home.

Are you dealing with a toxic marriage? If so, then it's time to consider your options by consulting with a legal professional at the Sabra Law Group. Call attorney Sabra Sasson today at (646) 472-7971 to learn more or click here to schedule a complimentary Discovery Session.

 

 

 

Things to Consider Before Rushing Into a New York Remote Marriage Ceremony 

Remote Wedding On April 19, Governor Andrew Cuomo announced the issuance of an executive order that allows marriage services to be conducted by clerks via video conference.

That's good news for couples who are anxious to begin their new life together, despite the pandemic. However, it does not necessarily follow that it's wise to jump into getting married remotely in New York. 

It's still smart to think about all of the ways that marriage may change your lives. For instance, consider both of your career goals. Will your job or your future spouse's job someday force you to move to another city or another state? If so, is that a move that the other partner is willing to make?

For many couples, it similarly is critical to know and understand each other's finances. That means disclosing things like how much credit card and student loan debt each of you has. Moreover, you'll want to share any financial obligations that you have to a former spouse or a child from a previous relationship.

Talking about assets is just as important. To guide your financial conversation, consider entering into a prenuptial agreement before getting married remotely in New York. 

Prenups may be short, simple, and straightforward or longer and more complex depending upon the couple's wishes and their financial situation. With a prenuptial agreement, it's possible to define that each partner will keep the debt that came into the relationship with them and that certain family heirlooms will remain the property of the spouse who brought it to the marriage. It's even possible to discuss potential spousal support terms.

Too many couples get married without knowing much about each other's finances. Having a prenuptial agreement drafted ensures that you're both aware of each other's financial standing. It also leads to helpful discussions regarding how you both approach money matters.

It may not seem romantic to pause to discuss a prenuptial agreement before getting married, but it nonetheless makes good sense. That is especially true during a time that is distinctly unsettled and unfamiliar. Most people's day-to-day lives look nothing like they usually do, and this can lead to decisions that one day may be regretted.

Recently, we drafted and negotiated the terms of a prenuptial agreement for a client who was initially planned to get married this summer – but his marriage was expedited shortly after Governor Cuomo’s announcement when his wife submitted for the opportunity to get married via video conference – and on television!  So while a prenuptial agreement typically gets prepared and negotiated within 6-8 weeks, here we didn’t have the luxury of time and we got it done within 48 hours – even coordinating remote notarization of the agreement.

If you are considering getting married remotely in New York, then contact the Sabra Law Group at 646-472-7971. Having a prenup drafted by the Sabra Law Group is the common sense approach to getting married in these unprecedented times. Call or click here to schedule a time to speak with someone in our office.
 

10 Ways to Keep Busy at Home During Stay at Home Orders       

Stay at Home OrdersAt this point, practically the entire nation is on stay at home orders.  Staying at home is a new concept to many people who are so used to being out and about, socializing, going to work and running daily errands. 

 

There are ways to make your “stay at home” experience a pleasant and productive one.  Being forced to “stay at home” can be a positive experience if you plan for it appropriately.  Spend less time watching the news and more time on things that can help improve you personally, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually.  Furthermore, use this time to connect more often with family and friends. 

 

 

Below are 10 Ideas for Things You Can Do While You Are Staying at Home

 

  1. Board Game Night: think back to the time when you were a little kid and how you enjoyed playing monopoly, cards, or even putting puzzles together.

 

  1. Movie Night: take a moment to stream a series on Netflix or watch a movie you have been meaning to watch. 

 

  1. Spring Cleaning: this is the perfect time to start that spring cleaning.  In addition to disinfecting your home, you can also organize your closet and pantry cabinets.  Another idea is to shred old mail and documents that may have piled up.

 

  1. Read a book:  even if you are not the type of person that likes to pick up an actual book and read it; you can try listening to a book on audible.

 

  1. Listen to a Podcast:  podcasts are great because they can be educational, entertaining, or inspirational, it all depends on what you are in the mood for.  Listening to a podcast also allows you to multi-task and prepare a meal or handle other chores around the house while you listen to the podcast.

 

 

  1. Workout at Home: working out is a great way to relieve stress and release endorphins, and we all know that this is definitely a time filled with uncertainty, anxiety, and stress.  You can download workout apps such as Home Workout, 7-Day Fitness or 30-Day Fitness. If you are not super athletic, then you can try meditation or Yoga:  meditating can be very therapeutic, and yoga is also a great way to bring a form of calmness into your life. 

 

 

  1. Go for a Walk: Going for a walk will really depend on your unique situation.  It may be easier to go for a walk when you live in a house vs. a high-rise.  If you live in a high-rise and want to go for a walk, it is best to wear a mask/cloth covering over your face and gloves on your hands.   By multiple people entering elevators, you may be exposed if you fail to protect yourself. If you are able to take a walk, it can be a great way to get some exercise and get some fresh air.

 

  1. Gardening: it’s a great time to plant some flowers, herbs, and fruits.  Since a lot of us are having to cook, having access to fresh herbs and fruits makes it easy to cook with.

 

  1. Cooking/Baking: by now, everyone has had to do some form of cooking; even if they previously only ate out.  Try cooking a healthy meal with a new recipe that you have never tried before.  Share your meal on social media or with your friends and also share the recipe with others so that your cooking skills may also benefit them.

 

  1. Expand Your Skills: use your time wisely to expand your skills by taking online courses or signing up for a challenge.  With the uncertainty of the job market right now, it is imperative to expand your skillset and have a back-up plan.

 

If the stress of staying at home with your spouse, having to co-work together from home as well as homeschooling the children is too much to handle, consider contacting Sabra Law Group for conflict resolution remote session by calling (646) 472-7971. 

 

 

 

 

How to Avoid Quarantine Quarrels with Your Mate

Quarantine QuarrelsWhile we all find ourselves practicing “social distancing” and under “stay at home” orders during the COVID19 pandemic, many couples are finding themselves confined to cohabitating in tight spaces 24 hours a day in an apartment, condo or home. 

 

For many people who normally work from an office, they are not really prepared to suddenly have to work from home.  In addition to suddenly having to work from home when your mate is there 24/7 as well as your kids, inevitably tensions will rise and “quarantine quarrels” to occur!  So, how can you manage to juggle this new way of life and avoid “quarantine quarrels” with your mate?

 

Follow the Tips Below to Avoid Quarantine Quarrels with Your Mate

 

  1. Designate a separate room to work in, if you can.  If you don’t have access to an additional room, then designate one particular area in your apartment or house to work from.  One thing that will drive your mate crazy is if you are all over the house on a work call and this prevents them from being able to use the kitchen or watch tv or work on your own business/job.  Please be respectful of your mate and limit working to your own area and clean up after yourself.

 

  1. It is imperative to set boundaries with your children and your mate.  You must make it clear that just because you are home does not mean you are available for constant interruptions throughout the day.  Instead, set up certain times during the day when your family knows that they can talk to you whether it be during your lunch break, afternoon break or after you are done with your workday.

 

  1. Agree to disagree with each other.  Realize that you will not agree with everything…and that is okay.  Instead of turning disagreements into full-blown arguments, agree that your mate is entitled to his/her opinion and you are entitled to your own.

 

  1. Take time out for self-care.  At a time like this, it is very important to take care of yourself and make time for the things that help you unwind and relax.  Whether that means getting out of the house and taking a walk or connecting with your friends via Zoom for a virtual happy hour or having a spa day at home – do it!

 

  1. If you do get into an argument, do not immediately resort to saying hurtful things that you will regret later; instead, take a moment to calmly collect your thoughts before responding.   By doing this, it will allow you to not make any rash decisions while you are in the heat of the moment. It is even okay to say, “can we continue this conversation” after work hours (which hopefully will allow both parties to calm down).

 

If this quarantine has pushed you to your limits and you have realized that you may need professional assistance, contact Sabra Law Group to schedule a remote conflict resolution appointment by calling (646) 472-7971. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 Reasons Why People Are Scared to Get Divorced and Put it Off

DivorcedDivorce attorneys frequently discover that their clients have remained in bad marriages, sometimes for decades, because they fear the dissolution of the union. This fear may have its roots in many causes, but there are three that seem to surface most often.

However, a well-drafted prenup is one of the best ways to allay many of the fears that are associated with getting divorced.

1. Fear of Reputational Damage

In some circles, divorce remains taboo. Some people stay in a miserable marriage because they don't want to admit that they may have made a mistake. They see the ending of their relationship as proof that they are fallible.

These people are concerned about how others may perceive the dissolution. While some are worried about the kids, others are more concerned with their parents, siblings or other family members. Still, others think that their clergyman, boss or employees are ready to criticize or gloat over their personal problems.

The reality is that divorce is common. With a prenup in place, it's possible to dissolve a marriage with dignity, decorum, tact and a minimum of fuss. The mature resolution of one of your most intimate relationships may improve your reputation in the eyes of others, and you'll certainly appreciate how much better you feel about yourself.

2. Fear of Losing Money and Assets

Many states follow a rule that says that all marital property must be divided equitably or equally between the parties in a divorce. This may seem fair, but the idea of walking away from your marriage at half your marital worth feels unfathomable to one spouse, or they fear that their former partner will get what they see as an unfair portion.

A prenuptial agreement solves such problems before they arise by laying out a fair division of income and assets. With a prenup, there's no need to wrangle over money.

3. Fear of Losing the Family Home

Couples put enormous time, money and effort into their homes. Neither one wants to walk away empty-handed in a divorce, and they could spend months fighting over who gets the home or how the proceeds of a sale should be divided. However, couples who agree to a prenup before tying the knot don't have to worry because they have already decided who gets the house or how the proceeds of the sale will be shared.

If you're considering getting divorced (whether you have a prenup in place or not), contact Sabra Law Group at (646) 472-7971 to schedule your complimentary Discovery Call.

Learning How to Love After Divorce

Love After Divorce Divorce is among the most stressful life changes. It's easy to see why. A divorce can mean uprooting or shifting everything you know about your life. Naturally, you'll find yourself thinking that nothing will ever be the same.

This may be true, but it isn't necessarily a bad thing. While divorce marks an ending, it also marks a new beginning. Part of that new beginning may mean finding love after divorce.

If you're recently divorced or are in the process, then contemplating falling in love again may seem impossible. More than one divorcing or recently divorced person has sworn "never again" and believed it.

However, the reality is that most people do give love another shot. They do it because they realize that they've changed and because they recognize that not everyone out there is exactly like their ex.

How do they get to that point? It may be that they follow these tips for learning to love after divorce.

Take Your Time

There's no set timeline for getting over one relationship and moving on to the next. Some people immediately hop into a new romance while other people need months or years before feeling ready. The amount of time that passes from the end of one relationship until the beginning of the next doesn't really matter.

What does matter is that you are genuinely over your ex and everything entailed by that relationship before devoting yourself to someone new. You owe it to yourself and your new love to be wholly available and ready to move forward.

Protect Yourself Emotionally

Try not to jump into a new relationship too quickly. Take things slowly, and let them develop naturally. You don't have to be in a hurry. You're much more likely to find a deep, meaningful connection when you resist getting too emotionally involved too fast. Keep things casual and fun as you test the dating waters.

Protect Yourself Financially

If you have found love again and are ready to dive into a commitment, then it's worth considering the financial ramifications. Chances are good that you have more assets now than you did the first time you tied the knot. If your new spouse-to-be ends up being more financially irresponsible than you'd like, it's wise to protect yourself financially.

A prenuptial agreement is a great way to accomplish this. Contact the Sabra Law Group at (646) 472-7971 to learn more.

How to Ensure That Your Communication Style is a Win-Win for Your Marriage

Communication StyleEffective communication is the hallmark of every successful marriage. In fact, if you want to have a win-win marriage, then it is vital for you and your partner to identify your communication style and make any adjustments that may be necessary.

Experts agree that when it comes to communication style, there are four main types. These are Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive and Assertive. Studies suggest that it is only when both parties in a marriage use the Assertive communication style that true intimacy can be achieved. These marriages tend to last longer and be more satisfying and successful.

The Passive style of communication is characterized by an unwillingness to share thoughts and feelings. Low self-esteem may be behind this tendency, but it sometimes comes from a desire to avoid hurting the feelings of others or to prevent criticism. 

At the opposite extreme is the Aggressive style. This means that at least one of the partners is prone to casting blame on others and making accusations. Aggressive communicators also tend to over-generalize with terms like "always" and "never." People who communicate in this manner may feel threatened or be reacting to negative thoughts and feelings. A tendency to focus on personal characteristics as opposed to the situation further is typical.

The Passive-Aggressive communicator relies on both of these styles. To their partner, they appear entirely passive. Their feelings and thoughts go unexpressed in a one-on-one dialogue with their spouse. However, all of those pent-up feelings come out when the Passive-Aggressive communicator is talking with friends or family. Meanwhile, the spouse is unaware that there are any problems requiring resolution.

Assertive communicators are different in that they communicate thoughts and feelings in a healthy and non-defensive manner. They are open to their partner's viewpoint, and they place a premium on remaining respectful. This type of communicator doesn't deny their feelings. Moreover, when there is a problem, they tend to focus on the issue rather than on the personalities involved. When one partner uses Assertive communication, this encourages the other to do the same. The result is increased intimacy and a healthier overall relationship in which no one's needs are being ignored.

If your efforts to build a win-win marriage are proving fruitless, call the Sabra Law Group at 646-472-7971. These experienced legal professionals believe in a collaborative divorce process that puts the well-being of your entire family at the forefront of the proceedings.

How Good Communication Skills Can Help You Have a Healthy Marriage

Healthy Marriage Good communication skills are vital to a healthy marriage, and they are something that can be cultivated over time. Anyone can work towards effective communication, and marriage is no exception. There are tools and exercises to help you achieve that goal as a couple, and you can also work with a licensed therapist to make sure that you are putting those principles into practice for a healthy marriage. 

Tackling the Major Issues Without Procrastination

One of the most fundamental things to understand about good communication skills in a marriage is that they are impossible to develop without tackling serious issues that present problems in a marriage. When communication is not healthy in a marriage, the tendency is for each partner to ignore the most pressing issues for fear that they are going to create an explosive situation to deal with. Delaying the expression of those feelings with your partner only builds resentment allows small issues to escalate into larger ones over time. 

A good starting place is to make a list of the topics and issues that you have avoided sharing with your partner over a significant amount of time. Having them written down will allow you to realize just how many issues have been piling up. 

Sharing Private Feelings in Productive Ways

Finding a loving way to share your most intimate feelings can be overwhelming when you are carrying significant resentment and frustration. While you cannot control your partner's feelings or reactions, you can control your delivery of issues and feelings to be discussed. Frame the discussion from your point of view, and acknowledge that you are sharing your own perspective on things that have developed within your marriage without assuming what your partner might think or feel about the issues that you present. 

Exploring Mediation for Your New York Divorce

If you are not able to work together towards a healthy marriage, and if marital therapy isn’t helpful, some of our clients have found benefit in communicating together in a mediation setting.  Call attorney Sabra Sasson at 646-472-7971 today to find out how the mediation process can help you.  Or click here to schedule a complimentary call https://my.timetrade.com/book/V6T7J

 

How to Keep the Spark Alive in Your Marriage

Keep the Spark Alive in Your Marriage

 

The euphoria of new love is all-consuming. However, if the relationship persists over the long term, the euphoria doesn't last. Reality sets in. Both partners begin to feel that they don't want to spend every moment together, and they start recognizing flaws in each other and the relationship. 

These changes are natural. If the couple remains committed to the relationship, there's little reason why it can't succeed over many years. Nonetheless, many couples would love to recapture some of that early magic. For those of you who have been wondering how to keep the spark alive in your marriage, you may find that communication is the answer. 

One key to better communication is to simply put down your cell phone. Whether you are at home, dining at a restaurant or driving somewhere, this is an opportunity to talk and reconnect with your spouse. Don't spend it checking Facebook or playing a game when you have a chance to enjoy a real conversation with the person you love the most. 

While it is always a good idea to make a point of saying "I love you," other words of love and encouragement can mean just as much. Tell your partner that you're proud of him or let her know that she means the world to you. These little phrases can make a big difference, and they give your partner a warm, fuzzy feeling. 

Keeping the spark alive in your marriage also may involve doing things socially as a couple. Being out with a group of friends, acquaintances or colleagues gives you a chance to see a different side of your partner. Admire the way that they interact with others, and let them know about your reaction at the end of the night. It's a wonderful way to show that you appreciate your partner's many facets. 

Also, try to set aside one night a week for date night. Make it an opportunity to try new things or revisit old favorites that you enjoyed while dating. These shared experiences and opportunities for intimacy are invaluable in a relationship. 

If you are no longer concerned with keeping the spark alive in your marriage and instead seek a healthy path forward to the dissolution of your partnership, contact the Sabra Law Group at 646-472-7971. With a focus on mediation to resolve differences, these legal professionals have helped many families heal and move on with optimism.

 

Keys to a Lasting Marriage: Win-Win Communication in Your Marriage

Win-Win Communication

 

Communication is the cornerstone of relationships, both personal and professional. The way that people communicate with their partners and their children reveals much about the value they place on those relationships. 

When you are having a conversation with someone that you love, do you really stop and listen? That means taking your focus away from other things like washing the dishes or finishing the taxes so that you can really focus on what your loved one is saying to you. 

Too often, communication between partners and between parents and children gets taken for granted. A busy schedule leads to multi-tasking, which means it's not possible to be truly present for a conversation. 

Many psychologists and counselors believe that a lasting marriage depends upon healthy communication. In fact, they may refer to this as win-win communication, meaning that both participants benefit from the conversation. This doesn't always mean that you get everything you want, but it does mean that you are heard and that your position is clear. Moreover, it means that your partner has been heard and understood as well. 

Whether you are devoted to building a lasting marriage or want to craft a healthier relationship with your ex-partner, it's helpful to spend some time reflecting on how you communicate with each other. Do you truly focus on the speaker and try to appreciate what they are saying or are you distracted by coming up with a reply? If your answer is the latter one, then it's time to slow down and really listen. 

Try to be as "in the moment" as you can, limiting distractions and keeping your mind from wandering to other topics. Consider limited use of reflecting back to the speaker what you heard, as this can help to clear up misunderstandings as well as provide the initial speaker with an opportunity to clarify their meaning. 

Additionally, pay close attention to non-verbal cues, both your own and your partner's tone of voice can reveal a great deal about the emotional state of the speaker and so can the way they are standing. Are they closed off with folded arms or do they look comfortable and relaxed? This can help you to formulate a more thoughtful and meaningful response. 

Contact Sabra Law Group at (646) 472-7971 to get more tips and “scripts” about win-win communication whether you are considering divorce, are already separated or are deep into the divorce process.