How to Ensure That Your Communication Style is a Win-Win for Your Marriage

Effective communication is the hallmark of every successful marriage. In fact, if you want to have a win-win marriage, then it is vital for you and your partner to identify your communication style and make any adjustments that may be necessary.

Experts agree that when it comes to communication style, there are four main types. These are Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive and Assertive. Studies suggest that it is only when both parties in a marriage use the Assertive communication style that true intimacy can be achieved. These marriages tend to last longer and be more satisfying and successful.

The Passive style of communication is characterized by an unwillingness to share thoughts and feelings. Low self-esteem may be behind this tendency, but it sometimes comes from a desire to avoid hurting the feelings of others or to prevent criticism. 

At the opposite extreme is the Aggressive style. This means that at least one of the partners is prone to casting blame on others and making accusations. Aggressive communicators also tend to over-generalize with terms like "always" and "never." People who communicate in this manner may feel threatened or be reacting to negative thoughts and feelings. A tendency to focus on personal characteristics as opposed to the situation further is typical.

The Passive-Aggressive communicator relies on both of these styles. To their partner, they appear entirely passive. Their feelings and thoughts go unexpressed in a one-on-one dialogue with their spouse. However, all of those pent-up feelings come out when the Passive-Aggressive communicator is talking with friends or family. Meanwhile, the spouse is unaware that there are any problems requiring resolution.

Assertive communicators are different in that they communicate thoughts and feelings in a healthy and non-defensive manner. They are open to their partner's viewpoint, and they place a premium on remaining respectful. This type of communicator doesn't deny their feelings. Moreover, when there is a problem, they tend to focus on the issue rather than on the personalities involved. When one partner uses Assertive communication, this encourages the other to do the same. The result is increased intimacy and a healthier overall relationship in which no one's needs are being ignored.

If your efforts to build a win-win marriage are proving fruitless, call the Sabra Law Group at 646-472-7971. These experienced legal professionals believe in a collaborative divorce process that puts the well-being of your entire family at the forefront of the proceedings.