Divorce

5 Reasons Why a Toxic Marriage is More Harmful to Your Children Than Divorce

toxic marriageIs it better for your children for you to stay in a toxic marriage instead of getting a divorce? Research suggests that it nearly always is the most sensible for unhappy parents to go their separate ways.

Let's take a closer look at why staying in a toxic marriage usually is more harmful to your children than getting a divorce.

1. It can damage self-esteem

Most children are highly intuitive, and they pick up on negative emotions. Low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness are common characteristics of children who grow up in high-conflict environments.

Divorce can give kids a happier home life, which helps them build healthy self-esteem.

2. They believe that all relationships are dysfunctional

Children model the behavior that they see in their parents. When they observe their parents constantly being unhappy, they grow up believing that this is what relationships are like. It's not unusual for these children to become depressed and pessimistic about the chances that they will find happiness with a romantic partner.

3. You're not as available for your child

Dealing with an unhappy relationship takes time and energy. You're fighting with your partner or spending time stewing or being distracted. When you're mired in a cycle of fights and depression, then you're not as present and available for your children as you would be if you were happier.

Living in a one-parent home will make you a better parent.

4. Kids may look for unhealthy ways to numb their emotions

Children and teens are developing the coping skills that will help them to deal with adverse circumstances as adults. With your help, they can develop coping strategies that are healthful, productive and effective.

However, children whose parents are trapped in an unhealthy marriage are more likely to develop habits to help them numb their emotions. These habits could be things like overeating, getting in fights, spending too much screen-time online and losing interest in school.

5. Kids may be uncomfortable in their own homes

Children thrive on structure and predictability. How can they cope when their parents are frequently at odds? When they don't know what to expect, they are incapable of relaxing in their home.

Are you dealing with a toxic marriage? If so, then it's time to consider your options by consulting with a legal professional at the Sabra Law Group. Call attorney Sabra Sasson today at (646) 472-7971 to learn more or click here to schedule a complimentary Discovery Session.

 

 

 

Why Getting Divorced is Better Than Being in a Bad Marriage

getting divorcedMost people who come to the realization that they are unhappily married have agonized over whether or not getting divorced is the right option.

It's a good idea to look for alternatives to divorce, like going to couples counseling or communication classes, before making a decision. Even then, some people aren't convinced. They'd rather stick with the devil they know and whatever measure of security they have than brave the unknown.

However, there are reasons why getting a divorce makes much more sense than staying in an unhealthy and unfulfilling marriage.

Consider how getting divorced might free up your energy and focus, for happier things. How much time do you spend trying to salvage your relationship or fuming over what your spouse just said or did…again? Copious amounts of thought and energy go into trying to maintain a relationship, and those amounts are doubled when you don't feel like your partner is meeting you halfway.

When you're out of that relationship, you can pour your time and attention into your kids, career, hobbies, goals and a host of other relationships. In fact, your marriage might be stifling your growth as well as your partner's. It's even worth considering that trying to stay in your marriage is preventing you from meeting the partner that you deserve.

In most cases, it is better for children if their parents’ divorce rather than struggle to stay married. While having divorced parents isn't ideal, it is less stressful than growing up in a household that is tainted by constant hostility and negativity. Divorce may give you an opportunity to forge a healthier, more positive relationship with your former spouse, which means that you're modeling a good relationship for your kids.

Keep in mind that a divorce provides you with a new lease on life. Perhaps you'll finally go back to school or have more time to devote to your career. You'll even enjoy more "me" time that allows you to go to the spa, play more golf, take long soaks in the tub or spend more quality time with friends and family.

Remember that while divorce is initially painful, sometimes devastatingly so, many people are able to refocus their life and energy, which means that they emerge from the process stronger than before.

If you'd like to learn more about just how healthy getting divorced can be, particularly if you can do it quickly and relatively amicably, then contact the Sabra Law Group today at (646) 472-7971 or click here to schedule your complimentary Discovery Session.

 

 

 

5 Things You Can Do to Prepare for Divorce During COVID-19

Divorce During COVID-19New York has now been on quarantine for over 3 months and tensions between married couples are at an all-time high.  Being quarantined for over 3 months is stressful in itself; but when you combine that with an irritating spouse, it can really make you re-evaluate if you want to get out of the marriage.

 

If you are contemplating divorce during COVID-19, however; aren’t quite ready to pull the plug, there are ways you can start preparing now so that when the time comes, you can turn it into a seamless and harmonious divorce. It is also critical to keep in mind that divorce doesn’t happen overnight.   The more prepared you are in advance, the smoother the divorce process will go in the future.

 

5 Things You Can Start Doing Now to Prepare for Divorce During COVID-19

 

  1. Keep track of and records of how your spouse behaves and treats you.  This is especially important if your spouse is becoming mentally, physically or emotionally abusive.  Document the date/time/occurrence and keep the document in a safe, private place so that if you needed to present it for any reasons related to your divorce, that you are able to do so quickly.
  2. Start “spring cleaning and organizing”:  if you foresee that you may want to move out or separate from your spouse, it will be easier to do if you have all of your personal belongings in order.  Furthermore, it may be easier for you to locate any financial or important documents that you may need for divorcing when and if the time comes.
  3. Don’t hesitate to consult a New York Divorce Attorney:  you are under no obligation to get a divorce simply because you consult a divorce attorney, however, it may give you the clarity you need on important topics such as alimony, custody, and divorce proceedings.
  4. Put aside a separate budget for your divorce:  start setting aside some money now as you may need those funds to provide a retainer to start the divorce or divorce mediation process.
  5. Put together a list of assets and finances: start gathering details about any real estate that you own jointly with your spouse as well as any other investments and any businesses that you have a stake in. 

 

For more tips on how to best prepare for divorce during COVID-19, request a complimentary consultation with Sabra Law Group by calling (646) 472-7971 and get your jumpstart guide to avoiding the 3 costliest mistakes that people make in their divorce.

 

 

 

 

 

How to Determine If Divorce is the Right Option During COVID-19

During COVID-19 At first, you were excited about Zoom happy hours and not having to always go to places and get to take a break from the hustle and bustle.  Unfortunately, the reality is that by now, you are sick of Zoom happy hours and your spouse is driving you crazy.  

Like many other New Yorkers under quarantine, you are contemplating divorce; however, it makes you wonder if the quarantine has driven you to divorce or if your marriage was already failing prior to COVID-19? 

There are some questions you can ask yourself and evaluate to determine if divorce is the right option during COVID-19.  Below is a list of questions to consider: 

1.    What are you really fighting/arguing about?  You have to ask yourself if your quarantine quarrels are a result of underlying issues that were pre-existing or if it is just the stress of being on lockdown for months with no sight of getting back to a “normal” lifestyle.  The pandemic can cause stress to even the healthiest relationships and marriages.  The stress of suddenly having to both work from home, homeschool the children and worry about losing jobs and finances can definitely take a toll and cause emotions to rise.

 
2.    Is it possible that once the pandemic goes away that your problems with your spouse will also subside? This is a difficult question to answer when there seems to be no end in sight, however; there are some ways to get more clarity on this.   One way is to determine if you were having lots of quarrels and fights prior to COVID-19; or did it all start with the stress of the pandemic? 

3.    Is the pandemic bringing out the worst in your mate?  Are you shocked and baffled by the way your mate is behaving? If you are noticing that the existing negative characteristics of your mate or being amplified during the pandemic; you may need to evaluate if this behavior will only get worse or will it go away once things start going back to normal.   You will need to follow your instincts on this one because only you know how your mate was prior to the pandemic and the changes you have noticed as of recently. 

4.    Do you feel unsafe or threatened? If you now feel worried for your safety or that of your children, you do need to take this feeling seriously.  If your spouse has or may have the tendency to become physically or emotionally abusive – it may be time to consider getting out of the marriage. Even though it is always scary to leave an abusive relationship, you have to remind yourself that the behavior may only get worse.  
Seek professional help if you are feeling like you are in an unsafe situation. 

The most important element about determining if divorce is the right option during COVID-19 is to determine if the issues/problems you are having in your marriage are more permanent or temporary issues caused by a stressful environment. 

If you need to get more information about divorcing during COVID-19, contact Sabra Law Group for a complimentary consultation at (646) 472-7971 or to find out how to avoid the top 3 costliest mistakes that smart people make in divorce.

 

 

 

 

  
 

COVID-19 Will Impact How Attorneys and Courts Handle Business in New York

Courts During COVID-19COVID-19 has turned life upside down in the U.S. and around the world. With all of the upheaval and uncertainty, everyday concerns tend to get lost in the shuffle. Still, for those families who are dealing with life's major events like marriage, divorce, custody, and visitation, it can be especially hard to know what to do.

Fortunately, attorneys and courts in New York are taking steps to ensure that essential functions continue to operate as normally as possible. In-person meetings may not be available, but most lawyers and even some courts are conducting virtual meetings and proceedings to ensure that important matters do not get overlooked or forgotten.

Getting married has gotten more complicated, but that doesn't necessarily make it impossible. If a couple already has their license, it is still possible to proceed with the ceremony. However, the size of the gathering will be severely limited, and some couples are opting to have their guests attend virtually.

Postponing the event also is a possibility. If you have already signed contracts with vendors and venues, then it may be worth consulting with an attorney to determine what kind of latitude your existing contract grants.

What if you just got engaged and you want to enter into a prenup? Your attorney can meet with you on the phone or virtually to discuss the terms of the agreement, and a draft can be forwarded to you via email for review. It's even possible to execute a prenuptial agreement during the quarantine, as these documents can be signed with virtual notaries in New York State.

Questions of child custody and visitation are already complex, but COVID-19 has only made things worse. Fortunately, jurisdictions such as New York City are now using virtual operations to conduct family court proceedings. This means that critical decisions can still be rendered.

What if your child is quarantined in the custodial parent's home? Or while in the non-custodial parent’s care and custody? How will you, as co-parents, navigate this new temporary world we are all living in?  While each parent has custodial, access and visitation rights, the courts cannot compel the other parent to allow you (if you are not the one in quarantine) into their home. What alternative arrangements can you both make to accommodate the need of the child to have time with both parents?  Consider additional contact through telephone and video chat applications such as FaceTime and WhatsApp.  When you cannot work it out together, consult with a family law attorney who can provide you with the information that you need so that you can maintain contact with your children.

Contact the Sabra Law Group at (646) 472-7971 for more information about how attorneys and courts in New York are reacting to the Coronavirus pandemic.

 

How to Cope With Staying Together Because of COVID-19

Staying Together COVID-19 is forcing families around the world to change their definition of "togetherness." This concept is one that can be particularly challenging if it comes at a moment when spouses are considering ending their relationship or if a divorce is already in process.

 

However, staying together, even on a temporary basis, doesn't have to be a source of constant frustration. It's wise to instead focus on a few key tenets that can help to bring a more harmonious atmosphere into any home.

 

Keep Family Members Safe

Did you or an immediate family member recently travel to a place where Coronavirus is prevalent? Or, has one of your family members been exposed to a local case?

 

If so, then it's wise to take self-quarantine precautions. These include frequent handwashing, not using the same towels and utensils, not having visitors and staying at home. Ideally, self-quarantine also means not getting closer than six feet to any household member.

 

Stay in Touch with Matriarchs and Patriarchs

 

Sometimes, staying together doesn't involve in-person contact. Since the older members of society are particularly vulnerable to developing serious cases of COVID-19, it's vital to stay in touch with them. This means calling them on the phone, enjoying an online video chat or sending an email. If they need food or other supplies, offer to shop for them, then drop the groceries on their driveway or doorstep so as to avoid personal contact.

 

Remember that Family Is Forever

 

While this challenging time is temporary, it's critical to remember that family is forever. That is true even for families who are contemplating or going through a divorce.

 

The ties that you have forged with each other and your children are things that endure through pandemics and tragedies of all descriptions. When tempers get short, recall these long-term ties and how everyone in your family will benefit from nurturing and caring for these connections.

 

Find Activities for the Whole Family

 

By engaging the whole family in activities like a jigsaw puzzle or a board game, you create opportunities to learn more about each other and to cultivate a deeper appreciation for each member of the family. Table Topics is a particularly thought-provoking and fascinating game, and everyone loves a rousing game of Pictionary.

 

The COVID-19 pandemic will eventually subside. If you decide that staying together after this time is not feasible, then contact the Sabra Law Group at 646-472-7971 to schedule your phone or video conference consultation.
 

The Importance of Taking Care of Your Health During and After Divorce

Health After DivorceEveryone knows that divorce can be one of the most stressful life events that one can go through.  Because the stress of divorce can take a toll on your mental and physical health; it is important to have a plan in place to ensure that your health is not sacrificed during a divorce.

 

3 Ways to Guard Your Health During and After a Divorce

 

Once you really dive into the details of what is involved in getting a divorce, it can leave you feeling tired and emotionally drained.   Just the thought of having to deal with child custody, finances, and living arrangements is enough to trigger anxiety in many people. 

 

One of the best things you can focus on and do have control over is your diet and nutrition.  It is best to be mindful of what you are putting in your body during and after divorce.  Even though the easier option is to eat fast food rather than cook healthy meals; acknowledge that your body will pay the price for eating badly.   Today, there are many options for healthy eating such as meal plans, meals that literally cook themselves in an instant pot, meal prepping, or making smoothies at home with fresh fruits and vegetables.  Whether you have time to cook or not, there are many options out there depending on your unique needs.   It might even be beneficial to consult a dietitian who can help you plan out high energy meals. 

 

The second thing that you can do is to focus on building up your self-confidence by focusing on your health goals.  For some people, that may mean getting back in the gym 3-4 times a week, for others, it may be taking a yoga or meditation class, and perhaps even a dance class. Exercise and meditation are an incremental part of a healthy lifestyle and keeping your energy levels up and your stress levels down. 

 

The third thing that you can do is to set new habits.  Since divorce will force you to make changes in your day to day life; it also makes sense to use this opportunity to set new healthy habits for yourself.  This means that you need to take time out for yourself (or make time for yourself).  It means you have to determine what activities make you happy or make you feel energized and then make time to do those things.  Whether that means you want to take a cooking class, dance class or join a sports club, do something that you are excited about.

 

If you are currently in the process of divorce and need legal assistance, contact the Sabra Law Group today for a confidential consultation at (646) 472-7971.

 

 

3 Reasons Why People Are Scared to Get Divorced and Put it Off

DivorcedDivorce attorneys frequently discover that their clients have remained in bad marriages, sometimes for decades, because they fear the dissolution of the union. This fear may have its roots in many causes, but there are three that seem to surface most often.

However, a well-drafted prenup is one of the best ways to allay many of the fears that are associated with getting divorced.

1. Fear of Reputational Damage

In some circles, divorce remains taboo. Some people stay in a miserable marriage because they don't want to admit that they may have made a mistake. They see the ending of their relationship as proof that they are fallible.

These people are concerned about how others may perceive the dissolution. While some are worried about the kids, others are more concerned with their parents, siblings or other family members. Still, others think that their clergyman, boss or employees are ready to criticize or gloat over their personal problems.

The reality is that divorce is common. With a prenup in place, it's possible to dissolve a marriage with dignity, decorum, tact and a minimum of fuss. The mature resolution of one of your most intimate relationships may improve your reputation in the eyes of others, and you'll certainly appreciate how much better you feel about yourself.

2. Fear of Losing Money and Assets

Many states follow a rule that says that all marital property must be divided equitably or equally between the parties in a divorce. This may seem fair, but the idea of walking away from your marriage at half your marital worth feels unfathomable to one spouse, or they fear that their former partner will get what they see as an unfair portion.

A prenuptial agreement solves such problems before they arise by laying out a fair division of income and assets. With a prenup, there's no need to wrangle over money.

3. Fear of Losing the Family Home

Couples put enormous time, money and effort into their homes. Neither one wants to walk away empty-handed in a divorce, and they could spend months fighting over who gets the home or how the proceeds of a sale should be divided. However, couples who agree to a prenup before tying the knot don't have to worry because they have already decided who gets the house or how the proceeds of the sale will be shared.

If you're considering getting divorced (whether you have a prenup in place or not), contact Sabra Law Group at (646) 472-7971 to schedule your complimentary Discovery Call.

The Difference Between Litigation and Divorce Mediation in New York

Divorce Mediation in New YorkIs divorce mediation in New York right for your family? It may be if you like the idea of ending your marriage in a less contentious manner.

Most people equate divorce with litigation. They envision themselves in a courtroom with a lawyer by their side and another lawyer beside their spouse each arguing and presenting their case before a judge, discussing some of the most intimate details of their lives, but it doesn't have to be that way.

While there are some instances in which it is appropriate to litigate a divorce, the majority of marriage dissolutions can be accomplished with less time and money and far less acrimony by engaging in mediation.

Rather than having a judge make decisions, which can make litigation unpredictable, mediation involves a neutral third party. It is the responsibility of the mediator to help the parties to arrive at mutually agreeable decisions with regard to child custody, support and many of the other components that factor into a divorce.

Whereas litigation creates an adversarial atmosphere, mediation tends to be a more amicable and less stressful process. Mediation also is the more economical choice, frequently costing thousands of dollars less so that the divorcing couple is left with greater financial stability.

Participants in mediation further may appreciate that the proceedings take place in the office of the mediator and are completely confidential. While court proceedings are a part of the public record, this is not the case with mediation. This process allows the parties to keep their private matters private, and many people prefer this.

Mediation also is a valuable tool for divorce because it puts the decision-making in the hands of the parties. This is especially critical when it comes to making choices for the couple's children. In the courtroom, the judge along with custody evaluators and experts may all weigh in on what's best for the children. Mediation preserves this power in the hands of the people who truly know what's best: The parents.

It's also worth considering that mediation typically takes far less time than litigation. Generally, this is better for the parents and the children both emotionally and physically. Going to court is stressful, time-consuming and expensive. Several months or years may be required to litigate all aspects of the divorce, but mediation can be accomplished in weeks or a few months.

If you want to learn more about divorce mediation in New York, contact Sabra Law Group at 646-472-7971. Thanks to their mediation experience, they may be able to help you save time, money and distress.  And if you want to access our free online Jumpstart Guide to Divorce, then grab it here.

 

Learning How to Love After Divorce

Love After Divorce Divorce is among the most stressful life changes. It's easy to see why. A divorce can mean uprooting or shifting everything you know about your life. Naturally, you'll find yourself thinking that nothing will ever be the same.

This may be true, but it isn't necessarily a bad thing. While divorce marks an ending, it also marks a new beginning. Part of that new beginning may mean finding love after divorce.

If you're recently divorced or are in the process, then contemplating falling in love again may seem impossible. More than one divorcing or recently divorced person has sworn "never again" and believed it.

However, the reality is that most people do give love another shot. They do it because they realize that they've changed and because they recognize that not everyone out there is exactly like their ex.

How do they get to that point? It may be that they follow these tips for learning to love after divorce.

Take Your Time

There's no set timeline for getting over one relationship and moving on to the next. Some people immediately hop into a new romance while other people need months or years before feeling ready. The amount of time that passes from the end of one relationship until the beginning of the next doesn't really matter.

What does matter is that you are genuinely over your ex and everything entailed by that relationship before devoting yourself to someone new. You owe it to yourself and your new love to be wholly available and ready to move forward.

Protect Yourself Emotionally

Try not to jump into a new relationship too quickly. Take things slowly, and let them develop naturally. You don't have to be in a hurry. You're much more likely to find a deep, meaningful connection when you resist getting too emotionally involved too fast. Keep things casual and fun as you test the dating waters.

Protect Yourself Financially

If you have found love again and are ready to dive into a commitment, then it's worth considering the financial ramifications. Chances are good that you have more assets now than you did the first time you tied the knot. If your new spouse-to-be ends up being more financially irresponsible than you'd like, it's wise to protect yourself financially.

A prenuptial agreement is a great way to accomplish this. Contact the Sabra Law Group at (646) 472-7971 to learn more.