Getting Divorced

What You Need to Know About Divorcing a Narcissist in New York

Perhaps the reason for you filing for divorce is that you realized you were married to a narcissist. Narcissistic people and personalities are some of the most difficult people to deal with. And, unfortunately, just because you are getting divorced, the narcissist will not stop doing what they do. Let’s take it one step further…you both have children together. Having children together means that you will still need to communicate with your spouse or at least make other arrangements for communication. It is imperative to realize that a narcissist will still try to manipulate you or even your children. Let’s explore what you need to know about divorcing a narcissist in New York.

What Are Some Common Behaviors of Narcissists

Narcissists hate taking accountability for their actions and many times they will intentionally provoke you to get a reaction out of you. This is where you have to be able to recognize what they are doing and not give them the reaction that they are looking for. Once they realize that you are no longer bothered or impacted by them, they will begin to lose their power over you.

Narcissists Will Never Realize What They Did Wrong…They Will Only Blame You for Your Reaction to Their Actions

It is important to know that no matter what you try to do, it will be very difficult to win with them. So, instead of trying to win the fight, learn how to identify and predict their behavior and control your responses. Especially when there are children involved, it is key to learn how set boundaries and document all of their bad behavior. If the court finds that they may present a danger to the children or sacrifice the best interest of the children, the court may limit the amount of time they get with their children.

Don’t Blame Yourself and Fall For Their Storyline

Don’t fall for their bait, narcissists have a nature to reel you in like they were out fishing, so remember to not fall for their bait. The only way to get ahead is to truly understand that they will never change their behavior, therefore, you must realize how to manage the situation and maintain being calm, no matter what.

Determine What Triggers You and Neutralize Those Triggers

Self-awareness is key when it comes to dealing with a narcissistic ex. Be aware of the behaviors your ex exhibits that pushes your buttons and learn to program yourself to not be impacted every time your button is pushed. The more they get a reaction out of you, the more satisfaction they will get that their plan is working. On the contrary, if you seem unbothered, they may have to find another victim; one that falls into their trap.

Need Help Divorcing a Narcissistic Spouse in New York?

Sabra Law Group can help you litigate your divorce and handle difficult divorce matters by communicating on your behalf. Call Sabra Law Group today to schedule a confidential appointment to discuss your divorce at (646) 472-7971.

How to Deal With Infidelity in a Marriage in New York

Dealing with infidelity in a marriage in New York is a very difficult thing to go through. Infidelity can definitely put a strain on a marriage. While some couples may go to therapy and be able to get past it, others are not so fortunate. In fact, according to a statistic on this website, “57% of marriages that experience infidelity end up in divorce.” Below, let’s explore some ways you can get through this difficult time.

Allow Yourself to Feel the Pain

Ignoring and bottling up your emotions will only exemplify the problem. If your spouse has cheated on you, it is important to acknowledge your emotions and go through the hurt, anger, and/or sadness. It is natural to feel these emotions and by giving yourself the grace to feel these emotions; it may help you in the healing process.

Get the Support of Family and Friends

You don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out to a trusted friend or family member and tell them what happened and how you are feeling. Even if all they do is lend a listening ear, it may be healthy to get it out in the open. And, you never know if they went through a particular experience, they may be able to provide some useful advice. Since you are in the situation, it may be difficult to have perspective but if they have gone through it, they may be able to shed some light on the situation that you may not be able to see.

Don’t Shut Your Spouse Out

If you are willing to fight for your marriage, it will be important to leave the lines of communication with your spouse open. It may also be helpful to discuss if you are both willing to salvage the marriage or not. If you are both willing to try, it may help to go to couples therapy and work through the challenges that your marriage is facing.

Give it Some Time

Don’t make any harsh or rash decisions. You must make any big decision with a clear head and immediately filing for divorce may be making an emotional decision. When it comes to ending a marriage, it is important to also think about it rationally.

Consult a New York Divorce Mediation Lawyer

If you are unclear on what to do or have decided that you want out of your marriage, it may make sense to discuss your options with a New York family and divorce mediation lawyer who can help educate you on your options. Call Sabra Law Group at (646) 472-7971 for the legal guidance you need.

How to Get Through Divorce With Emotional Grit

Besides losing a loved one, divorce is one of the most difficult and emotional times one will go through. During a divorce in New York, it is normal to experience a multitude of feelings. One day you may be feeling angry whereas the next day you may be feeling sad and depressed. And in the midst of it all you may even see a glimmer of hope when you're having a good day. If you can learn how to utilize emotional grit during your divorce; it can help you build the resilience that you need to get through this difficult time. Think of emotional grit as the strength, courage, and wisdom that helps you navigate the toughest things that life throws your way, including divorce. Let’s explore how to get through divorce with emotional grit and come out ahead.

Don't Deny Your Feelings

If you're feeling sad, angry, hurt, or betrayed understand that these are real emotions and you’re not the only one who is going through these emotions. Other people in New York who have gone through divorce have also experienced these same feelings. What’s more important is that you acknowledge your emotions and accept that this is a normal process of going through a divorce.

Build a Strong Support System to Lean on When Needed

Having a strong network of friends and family will ensure that when you do have a rough day dealing with your soon-to-be ex, that you have the support that you need to get through the toughest days. If you don't have a strong circle of friends and family that you can go to or maybe you're more of a private person consider getting professional help. A licensed therapist or counselor can help you feel supported during this difficult time. Furthermore, if you have not already reached out to a New York divorce lawyer or mediator you may also consider seeking legal support from them.

Set Boundaries and Stick to Them

Many times, people think that setting boundaries means telling people what you don't want or what you will not tolerate and while that is true there's another scenario to consider as well. The other scenario is that simply stating your boundaries to your soon-to-be ex-spouse may not be enough. Boundaries are more impactful when you actually show the other person what you're willing to tolerate and not tolerate. So, to enforce boundaries, you must show them that you are serious about your boundaries and not just tell them.

Self-Care is a Must During This Time

Make sure that you are taking time to yourself every day and that you're also eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep, and doing things that make you happy.

Even if you have children to take care of and a full-time job it's imperative that you take some time to yourself every day. Even if it's taking half an hour to go for a walk or listen to your favorite audiobook or going for a jog or to the gym.

Think of Divorce as a Learning Experience

Every negative thing that happens to you in life can be used as a learning experience to grow as a person. Using your struggles as a learning experience can definitely help you be more resilient and prepared to bounce back from anything that life sends your way.

Be Open to Change

If there's one thing that every divorce has in common is that nothing stays the same and change is inevitable in a divorce. Therefore, instead of fighting the change, embrace it with open arms as a positive thing in your life rather than a negative.

Don't Be Too Hard on Yourself

Just remember that you are human, and you can only do your best, and whatever happens after that is out of your control. Therefore, if you know that you've done your best then give yourself some grace.

Do You Need Legal Guidance During Your Divorce in New York?

Call Sabra Law Group at (646) 472-7971 to get the help that you need and take some of the pressure off by letting a New York divorce attorney communicate and negotiate the complex terms of your divorce.

Should You Tell Your Friends That You Are Getting Divorced?

When it comes to getting divorced there are many considerations that come to mind. There are so many people that you may need to break the news of divorce to; however, is it always best to tell your friends that you're getting divorced? It depends, sometimes it is a good idea and sometimes it is not, so it requires your discernment.

It may already be hard enough to break the news of your divorce to your parents especially if they were really close with your spouse. And of course, you can't hide divorce from the kids, so you do have to break the news to them which is usually difficult to do. But when it comes to telling your friends about your divorce there are pros and there are cons.

The Pros of Telling Your Friends That You Are Getting Divorced

One of the advantages of telling your friends that you're getting divorced is that you may need a support system to rely on during this difficult time. There will be days when you are feeling extremely challenged and having someone to talk too can help take some of that burden off. Another consideration is that your friends may see a perspective that you don't see which can help bring more clarity to your divorce.

Not keeping your emotions bottled up is a healthy way to release the pain that you may be feeling during this time. However, do not rely solely on your friends as they also have their own problems and challenges in life. If you are overwhelmed by your divorce, it may make sense to seek professional help, such as a therapist, life or divorce coach or member of the clergy.

The Cons of Telling Your Friends That You're Getting Divorced

Sometimes it's not always a good idea to tell your friends right away that you're getting divorced. It may be better to hold off a bit and be very strategic about which friends you choose to share your divorce news with. You may be in a vulnerable state and the last thing you need is to tell someone who's going to become who's going to share your personal business with everyone else. There is nothing worse than telling a friend something in confidence and they go gossip with other friends.

Don’t Be Afraid to Set Boundaries with Your Friends

It is important to set boundaries with your friends, and if certain friends intrude too much in your personal life, it is okay to say, “I don’t feel comfortable sharing that with you.”

Furthermore, some friends may give you the tough love that you don't really need. You may be looking for compassion and an ear to listen, but some friends may come down hard on you. This may have nothing to do with you, but more so their own personal experience with divorce.

Other friends may give you unwanted advice that isn't necessarily best for the outcome of your divorce and your situation. It is imperative to be discerning with which advice to take to heart and which to let in one ear and out the other.

Some friends may not want to hear you complain about your divorce all the time and it is important to recognize who those friends are and respect their space. It may also be beneficial to your emotional well-being to have friends who are not aware of your divorce so that you can “be yourself” and not have your divorce and what is happening in that aspect of your life be front and center in all of your interactions with others. The group of friends who do not know can serve as a sort of “reprieve” and an “escape”.

Getting Divorce in New York?

Call Sabra Law Group to set up a confidential consultation today at (646) 472-7971. Get the guidance you need to get through your divorce.

5 Signs That Your Spouse May Want a Divorce

Has your spouse been acting more distant and aloof lately? Don’t be blindsided and learn how to recognize the warning signs of divorce. If you recognize the warning signs of divorce you can try to salvage your marriage before it is too late.

Learn to Spot the 5 Signs That Your Spouse May be Wanting a Divorce (But Just Hasn't Told You Yet)

Your Spouse Appears Distant

Whenever you try to talk to your spouse, they seem to be in a world of their own. You notice that they are becoming more and more distant. When your spouse is distancing themselves from you, pay attention because this could be a sign that they are losing interest in the marriage.

Your Spouse Doesn’t Make Plans for the Future

Have you noticed that when you try to make plans for a future trip or future events with your spouse, they seem disinterested? The reason they may not be interested in making future plans is that they know they are planning an exit strategy to exit the marriage.

Your Spouse Spends Less Time at Home

Does your spouse work later than normal or use work as an excuse to not be home or spend quality time with you? Of course, we realize that there are times when work can be demanding or requires more hours during deadlines but are you noticing unusual patterns? Your spouse spending less time at home can mean a couple of things. There is always a possibility they are extremely busy with work. It could also be that they are using “working late tonight” as an excuse to be cheating on their spouse. You will have to be discerning in coming to your conclusions and it may require addressing the issue and putting it out there.

There Are More Arguments and Disagreements in the Marriage

If things that you would normally agree on are now a cause for a fight; this could indicate that your marriage is in trouble. If you and your spouse are clashing on everything; this could be a big red flag. Of course, every married couple has disagreements. Some disagreements are concerning parenting, finances, or infidelity but if you start fighting over every little thing…take note.

They Seem Mentally and Physically Withdrawn

If they stop being intimate with you, even if you try to be intimate with them, it could mean that they have lost interest in you and the marriage. It could also be a sign that they may be getting their mental and physical needs met elsewhere.

Have You Failed to Salvage Your Marriage?

If you have tried to save your marriage after recognizing the warning signs of divorce but weren’t able to, contact Sabra Law Group today to request a confidential consultation at (646) 472-7971.