The New Reality: Divorce, Children, Families and the Holidays

After a divorce, it’s natural for both spouses to energetically pursue their newly separate lives.  No matter how cooperative or friendly spouses are in the wake of a divorce, even a divorce assisted by a skilled divorce mediator in New York, these separate directions can come into conflict.  The most common conflicts after an ‘amicable’ divorce settled in part through a divorce mediator in New York are disputes over holidays.

Two Trees Syndrome

While visitation and custody in general might be relatively easy to resolve, especially if both parents can split the responsibilities equally, it’s very common for each parent to want dominion over certain holidays that are special to them.  The end result falls into one of two basic categories:

• Two Trees Syndrome wherein the children are made to celebrate twice for every holiday, which, rather than being exciting for them is actually quite stressful as they often feel pressured to have similar reactions to each and hide any disappointments.
• Separate but Equal wherein the parents negotiate and possibly rotate custody during holidays, subjecting children to a different calendar and experience every year during a period when they benefit from predictability and stability.

Combined Holidays

While many divorce mediator in New York might assert that the best possible scenario for children in a divorce, when it comes to holidays, is for the family to still come together to celebrate as a whole.  This remains true even when parents remarry or find themselves in new relationships.  Children often forge strong relationships with extended family on both sides, and maintaining those relationships and traditions is often beneficial to their overall adjustment in a post-divorce reality.