3 Questions to Ask before Starting Divorce Mediation


Very often people make broad assumptions when the time comes to seriously consider divorce.  They either assume that the only way to end their marriage is through litigation and the courts, or they assume that involving a divorce mediator in New York will be a magical solution that solves all their problems quickly and painlessly.

Neither is necessarily true.  Sometimes litigation is necessary, and sometimes mediation fails to settle matters.  Of course, using a divorce mediator in New York can also be the best decision you and your former (or soon to be former) spouse make – if you’re ready for and prepared for a sincere effort at divorce mediation.  Here are three questions to consider before engaging a divorce mediator in New York.

Question One: What Do You Want?

Mediation isn’t magic.  You have to go into divorce mediation with goals in mind.  What custody are you seeking? Are you seeking support? If you would be the spouse offering support instead, what do you think is fair? What other issues are there to settle? Knowing what you want is the first step towards negotiation.  If you enter mediation without any idea of what you’re looking for, failure is almost guaranteed, as you are unlikely to be satisfied with any outcome that may be reached during the process.  Formulating your own ideas as to what you want will be helpful to the conversation that develops during mediation, as well as your openness to the possibility that the ideas of what you want may change during the mediation process.

Question Two: Who is the Mediator?

Take the time to choose your mediator and understanding his/her resume and experience, at a minimum.  You should never be pressured to accept a mediator you haven’t personally vetted, or one that has a personal connection to you or your spouse.

Question Three: What Will the Process Be?

Mediation is less formal than court or arbitration, and that means it can be run in different ways.  Know beforehand how the mediator you’re hiring runs their process, so you can be prepared.

No one enters into a divorce lightly, but the more thought that’s put into mediation, the more smoothly and effectively the process will go. Before contacting a qualified divorce mediator, ask yourself these three questions and make sure you know what to expect – and what you want.

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